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Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Fun with a criminal

An old buddy of dad, who became a new buddy of Aunt Selle, had his Gmail account taken over by a scammer who was asking for help because he'd just been mugged in London. Suffice to say Uncle Jim hasn't been mugged, but he's probably ready to run the guy over with his tractor in Georgia.

This has little to do with Lil' Genghis, but, hey, it's entertaining to dad at least.

The astute among you will note carefully that dad's name is not Mark. Also, "JACKASS" isn't an insult so much as an inside joke with Uncle Jim, but the scammer just tried to ignore it.

9:29 PM Jim: Hi Mark
Jim: how are you doing?
me: fine, and you?
9:30 PM Jim: not too good...why dont you reply to my email about my plight ?
me: was thinking the other day about our old boss ... what was his name?
I didn't see an e-mail
Is there a phone number I can reach you at?
9:31 PM Jim: Oh
I sent an email that i got mugged in London
me: That's terrible!
Jim: And that i want you to loan me the sum of $2450 usd till am back home
yes it was
9:32 PM Are you there?
me: How do I get it to you?
9:33 PM Jim: through western union money transfer on my name in London
Where are you now?
me: You've got a common name.
Jim: Jim (Name)
9:34 PM me: I know your name, yes.
Jim: Name: Jim (Name)
Location:Craven Hill Garden, W2 3EA ,London, UK
me: No more address than that?
Jim: yes
me: European addresses always confuse me
Jim: that is all needed from western union
9:35 PM How soon can you make the payment?
9:36 PM me: What time is it there?
Jim: it is 2:34 am here now
9:37 PM me: 937pm
OK, just got off the phone
9:38 PM Jim: Oh Ok...Can you still make it?
me: They say you can pick it up between 4:30 and 5 a.m., but the system's going down for maintenance after 5 p.m. ... Can you be there then?
er, system's going down for maintenance after 5 AM rather
Jim: Ok
me: It'll take 2 hours to process
Jim: Ok
9:39 PM Ho do you know that?
me: That's what they told me on the phone
Web site wasn't going through for some reason
Jim: Ok
9:40 PM me: Something about credit card authorizations as a cash advance or something
Jim: You can go to any western union Location arround you and make the payment
me: Never had a friend get mugged overseas before!
Jim: it was a bad experience so far
9:41 PM me: So far? You think you'll get mugged again?
Jim: i dont pray for such thing anymore
i mean since i was born
me: Well, why did you say it was a bad experience so far?
9:42 PM Jim: i mean that was the most worst experince in my life ever since i was born
9:43 PM me: Well, there was that thing with the stripper who turned out to be a hooker who turned out to be a cop
I'll never forget that story
Man, remember how much we laughed?
Jim: yes dude
9:44 PM Mike can you try and see if you can get the money send to me at a western union location right now ?
me: They said they'd get it to that whatever garden thing in 2 hours
so should be 4:30 a.m. there
between 4:30 a.m. and 5 a.m.
9:45 PM I think the delay may be the computer problems that are making them take the system down at 5 a.m.
No one gets mugged at a good hour, you know?
Jim: yes
9:46 PM so Mike how will you give me the info to get the money here ?
me: Is there a 24-hour one near you?
9:47 PM Jim: i really dont know
But am not sure
me: What was that postal code again?
9:48 PM Jim: W2 3EA
9:49 PM me: Trying to find a Western Union near there
Jim: ok
9:50 PM me: There's a place on Queensway?
Damned British make all the streets sound the same
Jim: yes
9:51 PM me: Do you know where that is? They're saying only .26 miles
from the postal code, anyway, don't know how that relates to your address
12 Queensway
London, W2 3RX
You want to give them a call and make sure they're going to be open?
Or want me to call?
Jim: what did you post on my facebook?
9:52 PM me: What?
Jim: Ah, was just gonna warn you -- on the line with the guy now on Gmail. Jim, there's a
9:53 PM me: Aww, gee, did I make your bitch-ass moron self waste more than 30 minutes of your life for no gain?
I'm a bad, bad boy
But you're an utter loser moron
You're in Gmail chat real time and not even checking the e-mails as they come in?
Do you have the IQ of a syphallytic rhinoceros?
9:54 PM Can one man truly be this stupid?
I guess you can.
Fine work, fine work.
Jim: do you know how much i realise from this gmail account?
me: Well, if you weren't a complete idiot you wouldn't have wasted 30 minutes here
Nor would you open a conversation with the WRONG NAME
9:55 PM Give it up, guy
You're too dumb to be a criminal
And trust me, the real Jim and I have known lots of criminals over the years
and we laugh at them all the time
But we'll be laughing at you for a longer time
And still you talk
Face getting a little red?
9:56 PM Embarrassment? Anger?
Do you feel like your brain is smaller than your penis at the moment? Isn't that hard to do?
9:58 PM Awww, did I hurt your widdle feelings?
Go back to Lagos.


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