Eating crackers in a vibrating bed with another woman

dad's account of good preparation for baby raising:
21:00: Arrive home
22:45: Long-lost friend rediscovered through a phone call
23:15: Both parents realize they'd thought the other had given girldog and boydog an afternoon walks. Visions of exploded puppies flash through our heads. Mournful evening walk begins.
24:00: Bed, finally.
01:00: boydog insists on bed. Climbs Mount Dad repeatedly. Climbs Mount Nitaka with protracted volley of barks. Finds zen moment only when burrowing two feet under blankets.
04:00: 25-kilogram girldog climbs Mount Mom without warning. Shakes with fear at thunder. Entire bed vibrates for next three hours.
04:15: Morning sickness begins. mom tries crackers. girldog tries crackers, too. Morning sickness reduces for three hours. Vibrations reduce for three minutes.
04:30: Brief discussion between mom and dad. Arrive at understanding that, if Lil' Genghis really is the horde, we'll need a much bigger bed.