Lil' Genghis, future world leader Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

Monday, August 14, 2006

Baby-industrial complex, Part II

Did you know that, during pregnancy, women's brains shrink? It's true. Did you know that, when their wives are pregnant, many men begin to mimic the symptoms? It's true. And that's dad's excuse for being such a forgetful moron.

One thing really sums up the baby-industrial complex, inspired the baby-industrial complex post, and yet, creatively, never made it into the baby-industrial complex post.

So, without further ado, a simple question: Did you know that babies no longer have bottles? It's true.

Instead, babies have Nurser Systems.

You can also forget having a stroller and a car seat: They're now part of a Travel System.

Again, back to the idea that George Carlin knows babies:
Whole thing starts when you get to the gate. First announcement: “We would like to begin the boarding process.” Extra word, ‘process,’ not necessary, ‘boarding’ is enough. “We’d like to begin the boarding.” Simple, tells the story. People add extra words when they want things to sound more important than they really are. ‘Boarding process.’ Sounds important. It isn’t. It’s just a bunch of people getting on an airplane.
Of course, as any scholar such as the eminent Carlin will tell you, the English language is perpetually evolving.

dad's guess is that yesterday's bottle will become a Infantile Nutrient Transfer System. Yesterday's stroller and car seat are destined to become the Horizontal Logistics Manipulation System.

All this marketing is to keep you from thinking that, if you abstain from the purchase, your child is sure to become a crack-addicted assistant trainee prostitute in today's terminology, or, the coca-enhanced horizontal entertainment facilitator trainee of tomorrow.


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