Lil' Genghis, future world leader Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Who needs parents?

While surfing aimlessly through blogs a lot less interesting than this one, mom may have found the missing link, the panacea that will just make parenting a lot more easier.

Introducing Elmo's Potty Time.

No more sitting by your tot while she works on her bowel control skills. Just put this DVD on, sit your kid on the little throne and let Elmo lead the way. As the manufacturer so rightfully puts it

This amusing and song-filled DVD teaches children that everyone- mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, and even monsters- has to learn how to use the potty.

Now mom can't quite remember how the whole thing went when she was 2 or 3, but she's glad Elmo's there to allow lil' genghis to have a positive potty time experience, and dad, who still believes he won't have to deal with any bodily fluids, may sigh in relief that he'll be off the hook in a couple of years.


  • Well I don't know about the mother, but a child certainly needs a father to teach the true things about the world, such as where do babies come from (a factory in China that also produces Nikes and iPods), why he/she doesn't have any siblings (the factory exploded), what's really important in life (a nice desktop wallpaper in the computer) and where people go to when they die (Jupiter).

    By Anonymous unclerod, at 18/1/07 07:07  

  • ..after a staging period in Florida, of course.

    By Anonymous unclerod, at 18/1/07 07:08  

  • Calvin's (C) Dad's (D) "scientific" explanations (from Calvin & Hobbes)

    C: Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?
    D: If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out and
    stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point them
    with your hands to see anything.

    C: How do bank machines work?
    D: Well, let's say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine
    there's a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.
    C: Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?
    D: Exactly.

    C: What causes the wind?
    D: Trees sneezing.

    C: Why does ice float?
    D: Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer
    to the sun.

    C: How do they know the load limit on bridges, Dad?
    D: They drive bigger and bigger trucks over the bridge until it breaks. Then they weigh the
    last truck and rebuild the bridge.

    C: Why does the sun set?
    D: It's because hot air rises. The sun's hot in the middle of the day, so it rises high in the
    sky. In the evening then, it cools down and sets.
    C: Why does it go from east to west?
    D: Solar wind.

    C: Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?
    D: That's all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.
    C: Where does the sun go when it sets?
    D: The sun sets in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff.
    C: Oh.
    D: That's why the rocks there are so red.
    C: Don't the people get burned up?
    D: No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it is dark at night.
    C: Doesn't the sun crush the whole state when it lands?
    D: Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the sun's just about the same size.
    C: I thought I read that the sun was really big.
    D: You can't believe everything you read, I'm afraid.
    C: So how does the sun rise in the east if it lands in Arizona each night?
    D: Well, time for bed.

    C: Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color
    film back then?
    D: Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just the WORLD was
    black and white then.
    C: Really?
    D: Yep. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy
    color for a while, too.
    C: That's really weird.
    D: Well, truth is stranger than fiction.
    C: But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't
    artists have painted it that way?
    D: Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.
    C: But... but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have
    been shades of gray back then?
    D: Of course, but they turned colors like everything else in the '30s.
    C: So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?
    D: Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

    C: Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don't understand why time goes
    slower at greater speed.
    D: It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, you gain three
    hours on a five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed of light, you gain MORE time,
    because it doesn't take as long to get there. Of course, the theory of relativity only
    works if you're going west.

    C: How come you know so much?
    D: It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

    By Anonymous unclerod, at 18/1/07 11:34  

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